Welcome.

Hello. We've never met officially, but you know me. And oh, I know you. Remember last week when you stumbled into my store and we had such a nice time? You talked about the weather, your crazy meeting in Hollywood and I helped assist you in finding a gift for someone you cared about but, 'didn't want to spend a lot of money on.'. And I did so graciously because, hey, lets be honest, times are tough. I thought you should have gone for the simple black clutch for your girlfriend (whom you obviously know nothing about), but you opted for a tacky pink purse because as you so amazingly put it, "she wears a lot of pink."...so I'm sure that she would love to be swimming in it all the time. We continued to the register where you passive aggressively hit on me and tried to look down my shirt, while I gift wrapped your 'present' for your girlfriend. I explained to you that the items were Final Sale and could not be returned, but who would want to return something so thoughtful?! You signed your receipt attesting to such knowledge and we parted ways. Until 2 days ago when you stomped back into my store a changed person...colder...harder somehow. 
Me: Hi! How's it going?! What brings you back in? Back for the matching pink scarf?"
You: No...(fumbling through pocket for receipt you clearly don't have) I need to return this.
Me: Unfortunately, everything is a final sale, so I won't be able to return it for you. Maybe we could do an exchange?
You: What???? (Like this is news to you. You are literally standing in front of a sign that says the following, 'All sales are FINAL'.) Well, this is ridiculous. I just bought this!
Me: I know, I remember you. See its not a time constraint as much as it is a policy constraint.
You: This is preposterous! This bag is clearly not what I thought it was going to be and I have no use for  it.
Me: Well, I don't really have use for it either.
You: Of course you do! You can re sell it! (genius!)
Me: Sir, I'd be happy to look for an exchange (I'm actually not happy to do this).
You: (getting angry now. Most likely doing a lot of finger pointing) I had no idea these items were final sale!! If I had known that there is no way I would have purchased these things!
Me: (looking directly at the 3 signs plastered behind me that say "All Sales are Final.") I'm so sorry sir! That's just our policy!
You: Well its a stupid policy!
Me: I agree, but, just doing my job...about that exchange...
You: No, I want to speak to the Manager. This is ridiculous!
Me: The Manager is not in but I can guarantee that she would say the same thing.
You: Preposterous! Call her.
Me: (impressed with your diction) Its her day off. I won't be doing that.
You: What? What kind of Customer Service bullshit is that?
Me: Please don't swear at me sir.
You: No, you know what? I am going to swear. I'm going to swear all I f*cking want because this is f*cking stupid, you are f*cking stupid, and this policy is f*cking stupid.  I'm never coming back here again, and this won't be the last you hear from me!

As you leave, I slowly unball my fists and vow revenge...

I have been working in retail for 7+ years now. At some points I have been a lowly sales associate and at times been a thriving Assistant Manager working for a large corporation. I have encountered all sorts of folk along all different paths of life. Some have been pleasurable. Most have not. And you know what? I think its time to write about it.